My nipple is on Facebook.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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