My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
