and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
