Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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