I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
