Why are handjobs necessary in class?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
