I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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