I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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