Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
