who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
that is very illegal...i love you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
