why do cheetos always look like penises
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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