my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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