shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
