I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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