i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
