i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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