i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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