take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ok first of all what the fuck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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