My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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