i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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