could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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