I never want to see another naked old woman again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
did i walk over a car last night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
