If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
