hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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