What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
