I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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