Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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