Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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