ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
