I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
