she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We smell like vodka and hangover
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