i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
