This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
