You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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