Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
