There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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