Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
