dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His nipple licking is glorious
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