so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
