There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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