this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
