I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
