well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
