i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
