Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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