I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
