Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
