i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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