Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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