I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Panties = found
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