so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
