I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
