I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
