Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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