He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's official drugs can't kill me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
